9 weeks 4 days

I wanted to tell you about this blog this weekend to cheer you up. I knew it would make you happy since our money situation is majorly bringing us down, but it would ruin the point of this whole thing.

All I want is for you to be a happy pregnant woman who has a happy healthy baby, and it kills me that I can't give that to you. I feel a bit helpless right now. Couple helpless with broke and you have depression. (I know you always tell me not to blame myself because we both got into this situation, but you know I never listen when you say that.)

YOU'RE MY HEART
Mike

9 weeks 1 day

We passed a small milestone yesterday. You went to that picnic with your aunts and I fought my first car fire and neither one of us got home till 11:30 at night. We were brushing our teeth when you told me that you weren't cramping like last time, and I was happy to see the relief on your face. I know we're not out of the woods yet, but I was so glad to see some tension drain from your face.

I know it sounds silly, but I was really happy when you actually initiated a snuggle last night. We must have both needed it because we fell asleep immediately, and woke up all sweaty and stuck together. LOL Good Times!

The Doctor said that most miscarriages happen before the 10th week, and it is because there is something wrong with the pregnancy. This is natural and you would not want to carry it to term with something wrong. As painful as that may be I have to agree. So far so good.

I know you are pretty "reserved" when it comes to social situations, but I hope you notice all the great people leaving encouraging words for us in the comments of this blog. (TO: Everyone leaving comments, Thank You for supporting us.)

8 weeks 5 days

I have been thinking about the whole boy or girl "first child" thing, and I have come up with some pros and cons.

In my family we had boy, boy, girl, boy, girl, girl, and in your family it was boy then girl. So I am kind of partial to boy first because they always protected us as the stereotypical big brother should do. My big bro actually had a girl first though, and I like that too because she is so cool and it brings a different dynamic to how they handle problems. You can't just have your big brother beat their face in. Having a girl first gives you the option of a million cute things you can buy, and having a daughter like you is probably the best thing that could happen. We would then be lulled into a false sense of security and BAM the second one would be like me. I shudder to think! (For those of you who aren't my wife reading this. She really is that cool. Her parents got so damn lucky.) I love my little sisters to death, but a little boy I can play ball with would be so kick ass. As long as he isn't the unholy terror I was when I was younger.

Ultimately I just hope the baby is healthy. Please God!
(You just told me last night, Thursday will be the same day we lost the baby last time so I am holding my breath. I think everything is going to be ok tho.)

8 weeks 3 days

The Chinese birth calendar says it gonna be a boy, and I guess its a good thing because we don't have a girls name picked out yet. Gavin and Gabriel are our boys names, but if it's a girl I kinda like Kayleigh thats such a cool name. My buddy Jims wife is named Jensina, and I always thought that was kick ass, but everyone calls her Jenni and that messes it all up. Then I thought of Jesenna, but she'll probably get called Jessi. I guess I will ask you tonight if you have made any progress on the girls name front. It can't be green either since that seems to be the only thing we can agree on.

The baby book says the baby won't be able to hear us for a while yet, but I still like to talk to your tummy. I get all happy, and silly when I do and I feel a little stupid, but you don't seem to mind so I'm gonna keep it up. I guess, somehow I hope the baby can hear my voice and holds on so we can meet in a few months.

For now I hope, and I pray.

I LOVE YOU ANGEL!

7 weeks 6 days

Yesterday was the first ultra sound. My baby is 7 weeks 4 days old a little over a centimeter long (about half an inch) and growing. By next week the babies size will have doubled. (I learned that from the book you have in the bathroom. I read it at night. I don't know why I don't tell you that.) We got a chance to see the little heart beating in our babies chest and it was really a sight to see. Wasn't it? I didn't know how I would react, but I guess I am like every other moronic parent in being excited about it. After the miscarriage it was such a relief to know the baby is doing well. For the most part I was just as happy to see you happy. It's been a while since you have been happy because of the money situation that we are in right now. I feel horrible because you should be enjoying this, and you're just really stressed out. I'm sorry we are where we are right now. I wanted to give you the perfect life, and I tried give it to you too soon. It kills me that I am hurting you. I would do anything to make it right. The immensity of the problem just has me paralyzed right now. I will suck it up.

I haven't cried in a long time, so I feel like a jackass for crying as I write this, but I am.

I Love You With All My Heart,
Mike

Why?

I know I haven't been my super communicating self lately, but please know that this is for you. I am doing this because I am thinking of you and it is a chance to get things off my chest and tell you how I am feeling about our childs upcoming life.